| Throughout my childhood my brother Tom took up | | | | classified as someone elses's misplaced needs and |
| much of the family energy due to his mental illness. It | | | | "enabling". It is very easy to fall into the trap of |
| wasn't his fault or ours, it just happens that way in | | | | thinking the person cannot do things for him/herself, |
| families. As I think back on how my parents dealt | | | | when often this is not the case. |
| with the challenges, there are things I think they | | | | 5. Pay attention to your own wellness. It's not at all |
| could have done better. Hindsight is 20/20, I know, | | | | unusual to become burnt out, and to start isolating |
| and they did the best they could. But it's a very | | | | yourself personally and as a family. Take extra good |
| tough situation and every one of us who has lived | | | | care of yourself. Spend time with friends, go to a |
| with it can offer suggestions to other families in crisis, | | | | museum and get inspired by great art, plant a flower, |
| which may spare them some pain. Here are mine. | | | | do things you enjoy. Even if it feels like a struggle at |
| Here are 5 ways to improve the family situation | | | | first, do it -- because in the long run your health and |
| when a member has mental dis-ease. | | | | sanity needs to be replenished so you can give to |
| 1. Educate everyone about the illness. Knowledge is | | | | the rest of the family. |
| power so get books, talk to doctors, seek out | | | | One word of caution here about the idea of |
| support groups (see our resource section for ideas) | | | | "wellness" or taking care of your "self". You may feel |
| and gather all the facts you can. You will each have | | | | that taking good care of your "self" when the family |
| different reactions to the situation, but at least you'll | | | | member suffers from mental illness is just, well, plain |
| share concrete information. | | | | ol' "selfish". But the fact is that being able to stay well |
| 2. Establish a support team of professionals. It's not | | | | enhances you're abiliity to deal with your new family |
| just the family member with mental illness that needs | | | | situation. In addition, caring for your "self" means your |
| professional support. Anyone in the family and the | | | | will have more patience and energy when they need |
| family as a whole may need assistance with | | | | you . |
| emotions, coping, communications, and cooperation. | | | | In the end, families face many challenges if mental |
| 3. Talk with family members about the issues. Have | | | | illness is in the mix. Be proactive, realize this is |
| family meetings to discuss feelings and problems each | | | | manageable, and keep others involved in the process. |
| person is having. Share possible strategies for | | | | Living your life as a family may have changed due to |
| addressing problems. Allow each person to express | | | | the mental illness but that doesn't mean you are not |
| their concerns openly and honestly. Even though the | | | | still a "family". Be creative and find other ways to do |
| family unit has changed due to the illness, be creative | | | | family things that make sense under the changing |
| and continue to stay connected as a family even if it | | | | dynamics. Nothing is perfect but your response to |
| "feels different". | | | | the challenge and your ability to model proactive |
| 4. Develop boundaries around the person's illness. | | | | behaviors for other family members will assist them |
| Decide what is appropriate "helping" and what is | | | | in moving forward. |