| My father, Edward Russell, was a headstrong, | | | | had to make. My 82-year-old father's health was |
| self-sufficient man. He was born in Springfield, Illinois in | | | | deteriorating and it was no longer possible for my |
| the year 1920, the youngest of three brothers who | | | | sister to continue caring for him at home. My dad |
| were raised up to farm the rich, black soil of the | | | | always said he'd take his own life before anyone |
| fertile Midwest. When the Japanese attacked Pearl | | | | could ever put him in a nursing home, and we all |
| Harbor in 1941, my father, at 21 years of age, left his | | | | feared he meant it. After days of heartfelt |
| wife and four children to defend that soil. He became | | | | discussion, some argument, much reassurance and |
| a proud U.S. Marine, and was swiftly deployed to | | | | many tears, Dad agreed to consider assisted living. |
| fight the Japanese on the faraway island of Okinawa | | | | After two weeks of research, phone calls, and |
| in the Pacific Theater. There my father learned | | | | driving, my sister -- an RN and my father's primary |
| self-sufficiency in a violently hostile foreign | | | | caretaker - came across a place that helps families |
| environment. | | | | find assisted living for their loved ones free of |
| When he returned after the war he was never the | | | | charge. She sent them an email with her phone |
| same, neither physically or mentally. He spent some | | | | number and a basic description of what features we |
| months in the VA Hospital recovering from shrapnel | | | | were hoping for and within hours we received a |
| wounds and post-traumatic stress disorder. He | | | | phone call. The next day my sister and I were on our |
| suffered from horrific night terrors and would often | | | | way to visit what we now consider to be the |
| wake up screaming in the dead hours of darkness. | | | | perfect elder care facility. |
| My dad hated being in the hospital so much he | | | | Located in a small, rustic community just a few miles |
| forwent his military pension in favor of an early | | | | from Queens, the home was beautiful; the staff was |
| release. | | | | friendly and there were all types of daily activities |
| He returned home to his wife and children; but time, | | | | even for those residents with limited mobility. My |
| distance, and the effects of war would not relinquish | | | | Dad's private room was clean and brightly lit with |
| their destructive grip on his life. The night terrors | | | | sunlight streaming through his courtyard window. I |
| continued and he turned to alcohol to sedate the | | | | got permission to hang a small bird feeder on a |
| nocturnal visions. His drinking progressed until | | | | nearby tree for my dad to enjoy the colorful birds |
| ultimately his wife decided to leave him to preserve | | | | who would occasionally alight to enjoy the feeder. At |
| her own sanity. She filed for divorce and moved the | | | | my sister's place he would sit by the window and |
| children to New York to be closer to her parents. | | | | watch her feeder for hours. I knew this simple |
| Several years later my dad met my mother, his | | | | gesture would make him feel more at home. |
| second wife, during a trip to New York to see his | | | | Once we helped Dad unpack and his new room was |
| children. They were married for 22 years until my | | | | adorned with photographs and objects of familiarity, |
| father's drinking and volatile behavior became too | | | | he began to settle in. I hooked up the new TV and |
| much for her as well. They divorced in 1970 but | | | | VCR we bought him as a housewarming gift and the |
| remained amicable, seeing each other occasionally | | | | three of us spent the first evening in his new home |
| over the next 30 or so years. My father re-married | | | | together as a family, eating popcorn and watching |
| and was divorced several more times, until finally | | | | Westerns. assisted living in Queens turned out to be |
| accepting the fact that he would spend most of his | | | | the ideal solution for our family's situation. Dad felt |
| latter years living alone. He lost his home to | | | | wonderfully at ease in his new surroundings, and |
| foreclosure in the year 2000 and moved in with my | | | | because elder care was the best choice after all, |
| sister in Queens. | | | | everyone's worries faded like a cowboy's silhouette |
| In 2002 after my father's second bypass surgery, | | | | into the magnificent sunset at the end of a perfect |
| my family faced the most difficult decision we ever | | | | day. |