How to Make Friends Even If You're Old

When I was considering my recent move toin common with-maybe it's the church you attend,
Asheville, my mind quickly went to the wonderfulvolunteering for a cause you believe in, or attending a
friends I would be leaving in Pennsylvania. My heartlife-long learning class.
sank-boy, I sure would miss them. But then I realized2. Join smaller groups. A lot of people would describe
if I hadn't taken the chance to relocate with myme as out-going and friendly, but I dread large
company and move to that area, I wouldn't haveevents where you do a lot of small talk. In the new
met them in the first place. It was fascinating tolarge church I recently joined when I moved, I
think about all the changes through the years thatdecided their Wednesday suppers wasn't for me.
lead to meeting the wonderful people that are nowInstead I participate in their dinner group program
so important to me.where four couples serve meals at their homes with
Last May, I facilitated a session for singles at the lasta more intimate conversation (they had to flex their
Creative Retirement Exploratory Weekendrule to accommodate me as a single). Don't expect
sponsored by the Center for Creative Retirementto get to know people at a large meeting--sign up
here in Asheville. I was surprised by the number offor a committee where you get to work with 8-10
people who shared their biggest concern aboutpeople.
moving was making new friends. One participant3. Make the first step. If you meet someone you'd
repeated a saying my mother told me years ago,like to know better, ask them a question or extend a
"It's hard to make friends when you're old." Evencompliment to them. Many times when entering a
worse, I confess I've even said it myself.seminar or a meeting, I will sit down near a person
Now I realize that is a limiting belief. If you do notwho is sitting by themselves and is likely to be open
believe something is possible, you will not attempt itto starting a conversation with me. Take a chance
or devote much energy to achieving it. More oftenand invite them to coffee, lunch or a related activity.
than not, you believe a limiting belief as true because4. Keep connected. Although I have moved several
you've learned it from someone else you respect, atimes in my life, I make time to keep in touch with
cultural "norm," or from an "authority" such as a bookthe special friends I've met through the years. We
or the media (we all know how influential they canconnect by phone, email, even text (I am such a
be).modern woman) and we make time to visit with
How did this piece of conventional wisdom evolve?each other periodically.
My friend Marie, is 81 and continues to make5. Your heart expands as it needs to. Remember
friends-everyone seems to know (and love) her.telling your older child that the new baby doesn't
Alice, age 90, recently moved here to be near herreplace him/her-that your heart has enough room for
daughter, plays bridge twice a week with her newboth? The same works for friends. As I write this,
friends in her independent living community.the girl scout song I learned in childhood, "Make new
If you're a Baby Boomer and worried about makingfriends, but keep the old; one is silver and other's
friends (whether you are relocating or not), here aregold" is playing in my head.
some tips for you:If you're like me, you realize that some of your silver
1. Friendships blossom with a common bond. Certainlyfriends have gradually turned gold. Treasure them all.
work is a natural breeding ground for friendships since"We need old friends to help us grow old and new
so much time is spent there. Find something youfriends to help us stay young.
enjoy and you will meet people you have something