| Have you heard of the Serenity Prayer? It goes like | | | | their 80s, 90s, or 100 or greater), many will once |
| this: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things | | | | again require some form of active support and |
| I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, | | | | assistance. This could be as small as needing |
| and wisdom to know the difference." These are | | | | someone to drive you to the store or do your |
| good words to keep in mind since change is a | | | | grocery shopping to needing full-time support with |
| powerful force of nature and a constant in our lives | | | | the basic activities of daily living. The key is to |
| as we age. | | | | remember that it is not only acceptable to want or |
| In later life, change is inevitable and often speeds up | | | | need help and support as we age - it's perfectly |
| again as it did when we were very young. I believe in | | | | natural. Young children need support in the early, |
| embracing the changes that come with aging but | | | | dependent stages of life and most of us will come |
| what if we're talking about the tougher changes | | | | full circle back to this again in later life. |
| where this might not be so easy? When changes | | | | It's also important to remember that we can still give |
| can't be embraced, think about using the four A's to | | | | of ourselves whether we are providing help or |
| help you out. What are the four A's? Accept, Adapt, | | | | receiving help from others. Many tremendous gifts |
| Adjust, and Allow. Let me show you how you might | | | | have come my way from those I have cared for - |
| utilize these invaluable and powerful tools. | | | | joy, affection, wisdom, caring, stories, and helpful |
| Making a Later Life Move | | | | advice. Even if you have been a caregiver most of |
| For many older adults, making a downsizing move in | | | | your life, ALLOW others to help you when the time |
| later life can be tough - especially for those who | | | | comes for you to need some support and assistance. |
| have lived in the same home for 30, 40, 50 or more | | | | Then look for ways you can continue to give of |
| years. But being proactive with this transition, | | | | yourself in this new and different role. |
| accepting that a more simplified setting will be a | | | | Experiencing Changes in Those Around You |
| better fit for this phase of life, and using your | | | | I have noticed that many older adults often have |
| adapting skills can help immensely with this change. | | | | difficulty with accepting changes in others and this |
| I know this is true because for a decade, I provided | | | | seems to be especially true when this is a spouse. |
| "hands on" help to older adults making later life living | | | | Fortunately and unfortunately (depends on how you |
| transitions through my senior move management | | | | look at it), not everyone ages at the same rate. |
| business. One of my clients had the perfect wall | | | | Being able to ACCEPT and ADAPT to later life |
| plaque for her new home in a retirement community. | | | | mental, physical, and emotional changes in your loved |
| The plaque read, "So this isn't home, sweet, home - | | | | ones can be quite a challenge for many and often |
| ADAPT!" How true this is! No, living in a senior | | | | tests the patience of even those who have been |
| community is not the same as living in your own | | | | the most tolerant and understanding. |
| single-family home but there are great benefits to | | | | Here's where the "for better or worse" comes into a |
| having others close by for friendship and support at | | | | marriage in full force. Can you still love your spouse |
| this time of life. Enjoy the advantages of your new | | | | even if they have a stroke, develop Alzheimer's |
| home and adjust and adapt to the rest. | | | | disease, lose their eyesight, or can't hear any more? |
| Experiencing Changes in Yourself and Your Abilities | | | | Can you be accepting of them and forgive them for |
| There should be a similar wall plaque to help with the | | | | their shortcomings? Again, be as flexible and |
| changes you might see and experience in yourself | | | | adaptable as possible and realize that if the reverse |
| and your abilities as you grow older. The wording for | | | | was true - you were the one with this or that |
| this plaque might read: "So you're not what you were | | | | problem - you would want your loved ones to be |
| 30 years ago - ADJUST!" | | | | accepting and understanding of you, even in your |
| I've seen many, many older adults struggle with the | | | | changed state. |
| changes that typically occur as a normal part of the | | | | Facing Death and Losing Loved Ones |
| aging process even though these are things that are | | | | Last but not least, let's talk about death since the |
| shared by many others in their age group. Bottom | | | | mortality rate for our species is still 100% and the |
| line, don't beat yourself up for what you can no | | | | odds of dying keep increasing with age. Death is also |
| longer do or handle. Instead, ALLOW a "can do" | | | | the final and ultimate transition in our lives and should |
| attitude to take hold and focus on what you still can | | | | be accepted and viewed as another natural part of |
| do and want to do. Adopting this positive perspective | | | | the life cycle. |
| can make all the difference to the quality of your life | | | | Preparing for this transition is just as important as |
| now and as you continue to grow older. | | | | taking a proactive stance with other later life |
| Giving Up Driving | | | | changes. Planning ahead lets you consider your |
| Oh, what a BIG issue this is getting to be with the | | | | options, allows you to make informed decisions, and |
| aging of our population. As I have joked about on | | | | gives you time to communicate your wishes to those |
| several occasions, at the rate we're headed today | | | | who may be left with the responsibility of making |
| we'll need entire store and mall parking lots dedicated | | | | decisions for you. Taking this step also shows deep |
| entirely to handicapped parking! What I keep | | | | respect and consideration on your part for your |
| wondering is how can it be okay to accept having a | | | | friends and family members, and can leave you with |
| handicapped parking sticker but not even question | | | | a feeling of completeness and peace. |
| that there may be a day when one should no longer | | | | Pulling It All Together |
| be driving? | | | | These later life changes and others will very likely |
| I know many older people associate driving with | | | | create some obstacles and be tough to embrace |
| independence but where is it written that we get to | | | | when they arrive. When this happens, remember to |
| stay independent forever? Also, please remember | | | | accept what cannot be changed, adapt as best as |
| that driving is a privilege and not a right. We were | | | | possible, make adjustments as needed, and allow |
| not born driving and most of us will not die driving as | | | | others to help and support you. |
| we continue to live longer lives. ACCEPT the fact | | | | Use these tools to help you make peace with the |
| that there will very likely be a day when you will | | | | changes in your life, in yourself and in your loved |
| need to hang up your car keys. Plan for this day and | | | | ones and to help you prepare for those that lie |
| start scoping out other possible transportation | | | | ahead. When you give up fighting and struggling |
| options. Don't wait too long to admit that you may | | | | against the inevitable changes of later life, you will |
| be a danger on the road. Heed the warning signs. | | | | free up space to enjoy and appreciate the positive |
| Don't risk gambling with your life and the lives of | | | | aspects, opportunities, and gifts of growing older. |
| those around you. Your so-called independence isn't | | | | Don't let any change obstacle limit you from making |
| worth this level of risk. | | | | every minute and day of your life count. It's your life |
| Needing Some Help | | | | so do all you can to live it to the fullest. |
| For those who live through the entire life cycle (into | | | | |